I am at a loss.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007…Our second baby died. BN2 was in Shady’s womb. He/she was 12 1/2 weeks into the growing. It all started Monday night when I got a call that I needed to get home and that something was wrong with the baby. As I arrived, Shady had started to bleeding a little and cramping. (Let me pause here for a moment. I am not going to get gross with the details. Just allow you a very slight glimpse.) We called a dear friend of ours to come over that is studying midwifery&natural medicines. We got Shady settled in and started with some natural herbs to save the baby. We prayed a lot. Tuesday the bleeding was continuing so I called in and Shady and I went to MCE (the ob/gyn place) to get seen about. After some blood being taken and an ultrasound, the nurses talked to each other mentioning a blighted ovum. Now, Shady has been studying medical terms enough to know what that meant. We went back Tuesday afternoon to meet with the doc. He said that the way to confirm a “miscarriage” is to check the HGC levels (the pregnancy hormone) 48 hours later. So Thursday, back to the doc. More blood drawn. Shady and I both knew that she would have to have a Rhogam shot since she is RH neg. They wouldn’t do it. “The doctor didn’t authorize it.” So, we got the confirmation of lowered HGC levels Thursday night and back to the doc on Friday for a shot. Saturday and Sunday we just tried to take it easy. Shady’s bleeding lightened up and cramping seemed to lessen. We just began the grieving process and started getting peace about the situation. It seemed that life would soon gain normalcy even with our loss. Sunday night around 11 pm Shady’s bleeding pickup…way up. By 2 am we were on our way to the MCE Emergency Room.

By 430am we were heading home. The bleeding was decreased greatly and Shady was much better physically. Basically, her body had to finish delivering the empty placenta.

Today, Shady is much better, but still weak. The grief has started all over again. You see, when you “miscarry” you still have to go through the labor process to deliver the “contents” of uterus. Shady confirmed that it is more painful than natural child birth. And at the end of it all, Shady went through labor a second time, but we have no new baby. That and the loss of blood (somewhere between 1-2 pints) has left us traumatized.

We are beginning to pick up the pieces and find scripture from the Bible to help us in this journey to find peace with our loss. Any scripture from the Holy Bible is welcomed.

By the way, I don’t write this to gross anyone. I don’t write it to get attention or get sympathy. I write because it is an outlet for me to grieve. Also, this is an announcement. I am starting an online grief group on Google for grieving fathers. If you know someone who is grieving the loss of a child whether during pregnancy or after birth, please let them know about this site.

Your prayers are much needed and appreciated.

Author: Michael C

Follower of Jesus Christ. Husband of one woman. Father of four. Worshipper. God has been continually molding me into a worship leader over the last 21 years. I am on a musical journey with my family to become more like Christ. Join in!

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