I have been disconnected with myself the past few days. I guess I have gotten to worried or reserved or something. I haven’t really even seen my guitar as I had wanted. As of Friday, I was going to play @ night and work during the day. Well, life got in the way. I had to do this and had to do that. Next thing I know, it is Tuesday. I have to pack tonight for the trip. I have a load of lyrics to about 3+ songs, but haven’t had a chance to open the guitar case up at all.
I go to slip into a daydream and then something jerks me away from it. My mind will venture to the Boulevard of Day Dreams, but I keep putting my foot on the emergency brake or ripping the transmission out by throwing the gear in Park from drive.
I’m not afraid of my emotions anymore. I’m not afraid of being vulnerable. Actually, I’ve found it is WAY easier than acting like everything is fine. The funny thing is that most people have become so accustomed to hearing the “plastic, Sunday school” answer that they are shocked when you give a real answer. If I am having a crappy day and someone asks me how I’m doin’, they’ll get a “crappy day” answer and not the “everything is fine” answer.
I just hope that my daydreams come back. I mean, I don’t work on them while I am on the clock. I may sketch a phrase down or something, but I don’t sit and write for large chunks at a time. I like to allow my mind to have the freedom to completely explore all of the sensory things in the dream. Color, smells, emotions, sounds…everything. It’s like therapy for my soul. I am learning to forgive and working out my salvation through this process.
Anyway, I have to get back to the uncreative process of past due letters. Woo hoo.