As I sit here, it is just after 1:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Why? A conglomeration of things. The A/C unit is frozen up (thanks to the dweebs in the apartment behind our since we all use the same Air unit) so it is quite warm, I am wanting to talk to my mom about some past stuff but she isn’t answering her phone (yes, I just called her at 1:20 a.m. I knew she was asleep, but it is important), my heart and mind are a mess, and, well, I’m not that sleepy.
I’ve been quite angry lately. That usually isn’t me. I am usually a laid-back kind of guy that is sort of even-keel. Not lately. My past has reared it’s ugly head again and I am ready to chop it off (metaphorically, not literally).
I will say this though. Generational sin is a glitch. Also generational abuse is a glitch. Especially when those things are combined. (Of course, I don’t mean glitch. I mean that it, honestly, is unacceptable.) I prayed a long time ago that God would let me be the end of the generational crap that has come down the proverbial sewer pipe of my family tree. I didn’t realize the pain that it would and has caused me and my family.
I am still learning about my past. Everytime I think it has been dealt with it flares up again (kind of like seasonal eczyma). It comes up and is more than bothersome…it just plain interupts your whole way of doing things.
To God be all of the glory of this. I know, God, that You are the only source of peace and hope. God that you would kick my ass when I am being stupid. God that you would let me know when I’ve pleased your heart.