Criminal

Dammit! I feel like a criminal!

I have always felt this way. I devote time and energy and…then a change. All that time! Where did it go? Was I lying when I said that I wanted to stay? I don’t think so, but it sure feels that way. To me, that is the way it looks. I mean, I’ve been asking for change, but now that the change is coming, I feel I have cheated those around me. Flat out disrespect of the loyalty entrusted to me. Especially with the timing of all of this.

Too, in my current situation, I have always felt like it was a stepping stone of sorts, but have, in the past, walked passed about 5 opportunities to make a little more money just because of the security that the current job offers. Now, with this new opportunity, it is with someone that I truly trust that has my best interests at heart…very much unlike the job with the Plumbing Company or any retail or restaurant job that I’ve taken. This new position will require much more but it also offers a bunch more than I ever thought of putting into a negotiation package for myself.

Still, I feel like I am a hypocrite while I walk around doing my filing, processing reports, and completing paperwork when I know that my time is limited. It brings out the brevity in life, you know? I still can’t help feeling like a secret spy or an undercover person that goes in and deceives everyone around until it’s time for the bust. I can’t even say when I’ll be clocking out for the last time due to a few pieces of info that are just up in the air.

My apologies to LS, GB, and the crew at SU in advance. Sorry that at some point I’ll end up leaving you high and dry (so to speak). Just know that this decision has given me peace about mine and my family’s future, but has brought me anxiety as for how this will leave you all in a bind.

I just wish I could work both jobs.