Should my likeness be made in Wood? hmmm? I guess termites and
rain water could get to it. Nope!
What about iron? Iron is strong and lasts a long time, right?
Except, well, it doesn’t look good. Nope!
I got it…Gold!!! It’s shiney and can be easily formed…but it
can’t be pure cuz pure gold isn’t very strong. Nope!
Maybe it should be a stone-carved likeness?!? Stone, can be polished
to be shiney, will hold up well in the weather…Maybe this is
it…
Or something else, perhaps??!?
So what am I talking about? Well, I have been relying on my own self to be my own source of provision, wisdom, health, finances, and religion. Why, just yesterday morning, while at church, I looked around and (hopefully not aloud) said, “Maybe all of this belief stuff is just a heeping, hot pile of bull$hit? I mean, provision? I look around and we don’t have all of what we need. Where is God in that? Huh?!? HUH!?!?!?!? No home of our own. No mode of working transportation. Barely enough to feed ourselves. And at the end of the month, we are in the hole by nearly $100.” A little more than a year ago I looked to the Bible to find a scripture that would help me with this idea. One that was easy to remember and I could say it out loud when I doubted. I found this:
Psalm 3:5 “I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.”
From reading around this verse for context, I took from it that David could lie down and sleep because he knew the goodness of God and the safety that God still provides today. And also that David was able to wake up because God had given him breath to carry him through the next day. Fast forward to today. Well, I don’t have anyone chasing me to kill me, but I do have people calling me to pay my bills. (which is never good by the way) I am not living in holes in caves, but we are living with my in-laws in a comparable amount of space like the first place that Lovely and I lived in which was about 250 sq. ft., bathroom included! We aren’t being attacked by swords and stones and arrows, but the firey arrows promised in the scripture have definately be flying in the air with our beliefs and convictions and parenting being questioned every step of every day.
So this year, I have evidentally decided that I would take on being god. I had good intentions, of course. I didn’t even do this intentionally. January of 2007 I took on a total of 1 full-time job and 2 part time jobs. Total working hours per week = approx 74 hours. I worked this schedule until May. I dropped one night to work with the choir @ the Lovelady Center. I was working at a frantic pace. At the end of June ’07 I decided to end the job at the restaurant since our rental home was being placed on the market. That cut me back to around 55 hours per week, but money was needed. Within about a month and a half I had gone back to the restaurant to help pay for gas. Finally I am back down to about 45 hours a week (for now). The Taurus should be coming out of the shop either this week or next. (I hope!?!)
So, how have I done so far as god? I have sucked it up. I probably aged about 4 years and all I have to show for it is no car, no place of our own, very little money, and furious beyond my ability to communicate.
So my choices? Wood, Stone, Gold, Iron, or maybe, just maybe I should “man up” and seek God on what He wants instead of crappin’ around trying to play like I can do anything myself.
Prodigal Thinker 