Category: Uncategorized

Daydreams and lullabies…

I haven’t really had any of these in a while. I was getting really creative and all for a little while there. There were some short stories and a few songs working their little ways out of my brain. Then, what? What happened in order to stop this creative flow?

Answer: Nothing. I just stopped. I didn’t make time for being creative. Somewhere in the back of my itty bitty brain I told myself that it was nonsense because it wasn’t productive. BULL-O!!!!

I need to push myself. I am supposed to be a creative being. Why? Well, if I was created in God’s image and He desires that my character resemble His, then, just as He is THE Creator, I, too, should be creative. He has talented me with the ability to write, play, and perform music. I shouldn’t piss on His blessings. If I just consider it a waste of time, then I am pissing on God’s character and creativity.

So is my lack of creativity (which is what God has called me to do) a cause of my family’s struggles? If, by my actions, I am telling God that His plan for me sucks, then it probably won’t be long and He will say something like, “You know what, there is another person that I have given talents to. I’ll bless them with what you should have received and I’ll remove my hand (protection) from you.”

So why do I do this? Fear? Lack of time? Lack of ideas? Lack of trust with my finances? Not wanting to disappoint those around me? Afraid that God will want to take me away from the area I grew up in and take me somewhere I’ve never even heard of? Disbelief that God wants to use a schmuck like me to do anything other than just to take up space? ANSWER: All of the above

So where is my accountability in this? It is YOU. Those reading this blog whether you read every entry or whether you are just glancing passed and don’t know me from Albert Einstein’s-cousin’s-mother’s-grandson’s(on the paternal side)-domesticated wolf-hound. You are my accountability. Anyone with an ear and can hear.

So I’m making this public. (Well, as public as this forum is…) I must write music. I must play/perform this music. It is what God is calling me to do. Whether I play in the church or in the streets or on a stage, it is my call. It is my character and my purpose. Hold me to it.


15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:15-17 (New King James Version) New King James Version (NKJV) Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Scripture is courtesy of http://www.biblegateway.com/

Trying to catch up!!!!!!

Okay. So some really awesome things are in the works. Somethings have already happened. So why haven’t I posted?

Blogger problems.

Seems like I’ve had a few issues trying to post my blog entries.

ANYWHO!

I’ll go into more detail in an upcoming blog. I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t ill or dead or anything like that.

So for now…enjoy this video. It is a hint of things that I’ll blog about soon.

IT’S GONE!!!!

The Taurus is gone!!!!

Well, not really GONE gone, but just gone. I called the good people at the Gecko and they came and towed it away to get fixed. (Thank heavens.)

I found this little mechanic shop close to where I live. The guys are great!!! The first time I went to them, the gas gauge had previously gone out and my car broke down. I towed it to the shop and they kept it for two days. The owner called me and said that it was simply out of gas. He said, “well, I pressurized the fuel lines and there weren’t any other problems that were pointing to not running. Sir, you’re just out of gas. The diagnostic fee is only $50. You can come pick’er up.”

These guys are honest and only moderately priced.

My father-in-law had his car fixed just a couple of weeks ago. What was wrong??? The ignition coil pack (the new and improved distributor cap) and timing belt needed to be replaced.

Grand total? $360.00.

He had to take it back cause it was just a little bit out of timing. The owner said, “Mr. Father-in-Law, I apologize that you had to bring the car back. We’ve been so busy that I didn’t drive the car myself. Had I driven it, I would have adjusted that before I called you. I’ll adjust that for free.”

WHEN THE CRAP DO YOU ACTUALLY HEAR A MECHANIC SAY THEY MISSED UP AND DIDN’T CHARGE YOU?!!!?! LIKE, VIRTURALLY NEVER!!!

Anyway. I should hear something within the next few days.

I can’t wait to get the car back. It has been nearly 5 months since she broke down (June 9th). I tell ya, paying the payments and insurance on something that you can’t use??? Bummer.

Anywho. I’ll keep ya posted.

Rain, Rain…

The passed few days the weather here has been rainy and stormy. (Enter the old jazz tune #13, Stormy Weather) Of course with rain comes clouds.

Now, I love me some overcast weather. It is good for sleepin’ in late, homemade waffles with fresh fruit, snugglin’ up to your spouse, and catching a chicky flick. (Yeah, I know what you’re gonna say.) Work seemed to thwart that attempt. That and the “Big Duck” as Little Bear says, that is in the yard prevents Lovely and me from going outside and dancing in the rain. (More on the “Big Duck” named Jo Jo on some other blog entry.)

I have really longed for home this week. Maybe it is something about leaving the family while I go and shuffle papers and loan people money. Maybe it has something to do with saying Bye Bye to my little girl wondering if she is going to walk across the room today. (Last night she stood up for about 2 minutes straight and took about 7-8 steps.) It seems that when I come home Lovely is more beautiful and Lil Bear is an inch taller, saying a few more words, and all in about a nine-plus hour span.

As I was rocking Bear to sleep and praying over her. It seemed just a couple of weeks ago I was rocking her at 1 am and she was barely the length of my arm. Then I look down and she is about the length of my torso or bigger. And she talks. Oh, geez!

She is picking up almost everything we say now. I don’t have a bad mouth, but I amknown to be sarcastic. I need to cut that out. I am teaching my daughter by my actions and my words. I have to be teaching her life-giving words, emotions, and actions. Teaching her the Biblical way for frustration and anger without crossing the line. Showing her what she should look for in a husband and how she is to be treated. I have a lot of stepping up to do.

As for the rain…please don’t come another day. Just stay a while and let me play.

Thoughts on the day…

The passed months have held their ground. I have tried to maintain my footing while trying to carry the load of life.

Here is the battle status.

Taurus – going in the shop, hopefully, this week to have all things repaired

Depression – maintaining with the assistance of less jobs, a minute more sleep, and Lexapro.

Marriage – I don’t really think that we have had massive problems lately. Just God refining who we are and the friction that causes. We have been having some great date-nights and we just chat and love on one another with our words. We take turns talking and expressing our loves, passions, and desires. I truly love my Lovely more today than I ever have.

Children – Little Bear is now One year old. It has been 6 1/2 months since our second baby died. We are making peace with our loss, but still miss our child. We look forward to God blessing us with more children in the future, in His perfect timing.

Work – I am still holding down two jobs, but no where near the hours I had going. I bid the restaurant a farewell after threats of taking away tip money, lack of tips, and dwindling business. SU is still home for me. Looks like it’ll be that way for a good while. In fact, I am preparing to take the GRE so I can enroll @ SU in the Graduate Music Program.

Last but not least…

Weight – I have lost the most ground with this. We were eating properly and obediently according to what we feel God has instructed us to do. There was amazing weight loss. I dropped from 265 lbs to 227 lbs over about 2 1/2 to 3 months. Lovely had dropped a significant amount as well. Soon we celebrated a holiday. Then a splurge here. Then a splurge there. Then vacation…it has been a weight-gaining fiasco since then. I haven’t stepped on a scale since I was 227, but I would figure that by the way my clothes are fitting…I’m probably close to 245+.

Just proof that disobedience is sin. And EVERY sin has a consequence. Some immediate. Some gradual, but regardless of the timing, you will find yourself not recognizing your actions or even your very person.

5 years old

On October 22 of the year 2002, there was a very amazing thing that happened. Most people are like, “whatever,” but for me it was wonderful.

It all took place at a church band practice on a Tuesday night. We were practicing for the upcoming Sunday’s p.m. worship set. After a few tunes Pastor Rodney led us in a soulful prayer time. Just on our faces before our Creator, the Holy One. After a little time and a few circumstances I walked to the front of the church where we had been practicing. It was around 11:15 p.m. I looked around and said, “I don’t know how to say this, but God is telling me that I’m not a Christian. I want to become one.”

The guys prayed over me and hugged and wept with me. It was an amazing time.

So where am I now? How have I grown? Well, I haven’t grown as much as I needed to or could have. I am still fighting the trust factor of all of the facets of life. I don’t study the truth everyday…or every other day…or consistantly at all. My prayer life is weak.

God is my strength. I have close friends that remind me to trust God. I have a wife that shows me compassion and altruistic love. I have a daughter that teaches me that dependance on God is a beautiful and intimate thing.

Fellow Christians- continue on the path set forth and set in motion by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.