Category: Uncategorized

Stories are written every day. Some by well-known authors, some by those whom we will never hear…but what about your story?

Who is writing it? Is it you? Is it someone else? If you are writing your story are you being truly honest about yourself or making up a few details that might make you seem more interesting? What about someone else…are they writing from an impression you made on them or have you actually allowed yourself to be vunerable enough for someone to get to know you down to your deepest faults?

Everyday we each write a story…many of us write stories about another even though we are unaware…

Be true to yourself and live THAT out. Be true to the ones you follow or believe in for their story is written through your association.

Bathroom chats

i’ll get right to it…


i walked in to the men’s bathroom at the Village warehouse (also the location of the Village offices). I was just washing my hands and brushing my teeth after lunch (to try and keep my pearly whites more pearly white for longer, ya know), and one of the Village guys is in the bathroom washing up his uniform hat. We exchange our “How dos” and I start to brush.

Well, just as soon as the toothbrush makes a couple of passes on my molars, he comes out with this question…

“Uhm…hey, mike. can I ask you a question?” I jokingly said, “You just did.” he smiled.

He tries again…”How do I go about getting baptized?”

I pause…spit…rinse…and say…

Well, I would then assume that you have been saved, accepting Christ as your Savior and submitting your will to His, right?

he says…”Yes.” (I smile)

Just tell AJ…I’ll tell him too. It may not be this weekend, but it’ll be pretty soon, okay?

“I CAN’T WAIT! THANKS”

it’s days like today that makes it worth it.

On the edge of something new…

I have a meeting in just a bit…I don't know what it is about. In one sense I feel like I have to have my guards up and skin as tough as kevlar. On the other side of it, I don't want to close out what I have coming my way.

You see, I have this tendancy to toughen up when I think I might come under opposition. I always feel that I am ill-prepared for any confrontation. I can blame that on a whole host of places, but the truth is that there is no one to blame but myself. I haven't allowed God to prepare my heart and make me battle-ready. The bible says that we as Christians should be willing and able to give an account of our faith. That I can do. As for the rest of life, I am unarmed.

Here is where I am today…My heart is broken. I can't help but hold the kids I have and not mourn the loss of Tobias Mikal and Jonah Miriam that God has. I know…God has a plan and He is taking care of them better than I ever could. I know this as truth to my very core. In the same way, I can't help be feel my arms being a little more empty than they should be. I never got to hear them cry or call my name. Never got to have them hold on to my finger with all of their hand. Those sweet and unforgetable moments that I see happen with other parents and they just toss those moments away. A chance to hold them, even if life is crazy and you might not get everything done on your agenda/to do list.

I know that God was there with us when Tobias and Jonah were born. It was bloody. Something that will always cut to the core of my heart. I can't think about it without coming unglued (including now). I held Tobias for a moment…just before the nurse said, “Well, its just a yolk sack…there's no baby in there.” and tossed him in the trash marked biological. Jonah Miriam was born at home. Raygen doesn't even know this. The miscarriage had been going on for a few days (seemed like weeks) and I hear a cry from the bathroom as she was getting out of the bath. I carried Jonah to the kitchen…you could see a formation of cells. She was about the size of a jellybean. I wept and cried out to God that this would be the end of it all. I tossed her in the trash, bagged it up and placed her on the road. She was about 6-8 weeks into her gestational period. Those moments never leave. Some nights they haunt my dreams. Some days it consumes my thoughts.

I have never told this before. I know this is public. I know that millions will read this. That is not my concern. I know that at the end of today, I will go home and will hold my sweet Bonnie and baby Matthias and weep over them out of the gratefulness that I have. At the end of the day, I still know that God gives us breath to breathe and sustains our life. I will not question His decision.

So the edge of something new?

God's call. It isn't really new, but it is newly realized. Though I only have two children here, my quiver has 4 arrows. As my family moves forward toward the call I will allow god too strengthen, encourage, and equip.

Thank you God for Your goodness to all who serve You. Your plan is perfect though I don't see it all in the scheme of things.

Thoughts on thoughts

I think this is absolutely stupid. I had a Twitter account and would post as often as I had something that I wanted to say. (Of course, that is the same as Facebook updates and even blogs for that matter).

The catch is that my Twitter was attached (somehow) to the place that I work. When I mention some of the crap (just as other people have that work there) I get chastised for it. I just chose to delete my account. As I mentioned on my last tweet, Christians today are too worried that the world is encroaching on their little heads…IT IS!!! What is it about living in the world, but not being of it makes ANYONE think that the world isn’t right outside their door. STUPID!

If “Christians” were actually honest about what is going on with them or what they are thinking or dealing with (James 5:16) that we would actually GROW. What a concept. THEN maybe more people that are unsaved would actually see that you don’t have to have your act together before you accept Jesus.

I digress.

It is just like I said this a.m. to the guys at Limestone Correctional…if you aren’t honest with yourself, then you are living a lie…God cannot be around your (read “our”) crappy sin.

Until next blog (because there WILL be another blog).

Update on The List

Okay, so here I am just over 2 months after I posted “the List” the first time. So looking back at it, where do i find myself? Well, let’s see…

  • Above Reproach – I think that this is much better. I am finding in ministry (the Village) that I am constantly under watch and a careful ear.
  • Not under compulsion to serve, but voluntary – I am still a bit reluctant at times to step in like this, yet it is situational.
  • The husband of one wife – Yes. Still deal with thoughts like most guys…it is still sin and it has to be called out as sin. Making much more effort on this one.
  • Not out for sordid gain, but serving with eagerness – serving with eagerness? A bit of improvement on this one. I am learning the difference though of taking on service and it being laid on your plate because no one else wants to do it.
  • Prudent – I think this is coming along nicely. Results…getting things in order to attend seminary in the coming months. God is opening doors here. It is great to see that.
  • Not self-willed – Seeking God’s will, but managing to bumble it up from time to time
  • Respectable – I am learning to respect what God has put to life…self included. This one…he answer has changed from “i don’t respect myself, how can someone else” to and “Yes, but it is only due to God alone.”
  • Not quick tempered – I still bumble this one a bit, but I’m not as jump out and blow up on you. God is showing me a good deal about the fact that if you encourage and lift up others above yourself, then it is hard to get “quick tempered” at them.
  • Not lording over those in his authority, but proving to be examples – I think I am getting a glimpse of what this means. Think I am fairing alright on this one. I still jump into more of an “I’m the good guy and you are just an addict/ex-con/lowly person” on occasion, but the more that I watch the Village guys change, I see that they are a few steps ahead of me due to being more willing to accept their wrongs. Then I realize that my eye REALLY hurts since I have a LOG in it.
  • Hospitable – Yep. I am loving to absolutely love others and want better for them. Willing to open my heart and hands to help that happen.
  • Not addicted to wine – By the grace of God, I am not addicted, though i do sleep a bit better after one drink. If it will cause someone to stumble I pass it on by.
  • Able to teach – I am still working on this one…of course, I think even the greatest teachers do. Each situation at the Village shows me what I know and reminds me of how much I have to learn.
  • Not pugnacious – Had to look this up again…less combative now. Able to see my own faults.
  • Not fond of sordid gain – I don’t care to have a huge paycheck. God sustains.
  • Gentle – vast improvement.
  • Lover of what is good – Yes. I try to reflect several times a day and remind myself of the goal or purpose for that day is. After handling a situation I will ask myself if that pointed toward the redemptive nature of God? If not, I go back and try again.
  • Uncontentious – much better about this. I get frustrated that people refuse to accept God’s grace and love, but it doesn’t come to blows or anything.
  • Sensible – yes. much more than two months ago.
  • Free from the love of money – yes. i don’t think I ever want a huge amount of money. if it happened I would just turn it around to help someone else.
  • Just – getting much better on this one. pairing it with self-controll and slow to anger…good combo.
  • Manages his household well – this is something that is getting much better. Thanks to my boss man at the Village, I am now able to take a bit of extra time on the weekends and all. Sad that sometimes family time has to be scheduled because it seems like family should take more of a priority, but in the given situation, it makes sense to schedule family time.
  • Devout – i think that anyone can act devout. I am reflecting a good bit more on what I read, hear, and deal with on a day-to-day basis.
  • Not a new convert – Trying to put away the childish things…
  • Self controlled – I get a lot less mad and more saddened at the state of people today. Understanding more about God’s grace and His desire for his people to call on him.
  • A good reputation with those outside the church – I would say I would have to ask someone else. I know what I am told, but that is not for me to judge.
  • Holds fast the faithful Word—both to exhort and to refute – I am really working on using the more encouraging words that God gives, especially to those that it is plain to see that don’t know God. His word is amazing and I never can read it enough.

I would say that God is really working on my heart. He is showing me just how much of Him is in me. It is not what I deserve, but it is what i get. Similar to my wife and kids. They deserve, in my opinion, a better husband/father than what they have received, but I realize that I cannot be everything they need. We aren’t set up that way. If we were then there would be no need for God and his grace, mercy, love, discipline, and redemption. I am just grateful for the position in life that I have. I am counting my blessings for what God is doing and where He has put me.

Take a moment and reflect. Ask God to show you something new today. He will bring it to you. Accept it and then move closer to Him. It is SO worth it.

Newest thoughts

So I have kind of taken a few steps away from thinking.  I know, convenient, isn't it?  Not really.  I haven't taken much time to reflect on what I am going through and what I am learning (which is the purpose of this blog).  Whether i want to say that I have been too busy or that I am working too many hours, it is really just (as Paul says) just a pile of poo.
 
If God wants to talk to you and teach you something but you give Him the cold-shoulder or just put Him lower on the “perpetual to do list” you are not only dishonoring Him, you are discounting the value that He has called you to as being a child of Christ.  Tough pill for me to swallow, there.
 
So, do I really have that much going on?  It is like my day yesterday, I was SO incredibly frustrated with work-related stuff that I just wanted to leave for the day.  I just kept getting more frustrated as the day turned into evening.  Finally, I hopped in the Jeep and took off to the house.  By the time I started to wind down I just thought back on the day and realized that none of what I was so mad about made a bit of difference.  The only effect it had was to get at me.  So today, I rode to the office on the bike and just remembered (as I was sucking air by the time I got there) that God has filled my lungs with air today.  He did it, i had nothing to do with continuing my existence today.
 
So, if you are so incredibly depressed, mad, angry, frustrated, sad, happy, joyous, full of life, drained, tired, or whatever you are feeling.  Just remember that God has called you to BREATHE LIFE and out of the abundance of God filling your heart, you are to point it to someone else. 
 
DO NOT BE SO SELF-CENTERED!  (This is what I am telling myself.)
 
 
 
 

no time to blog

i am hoping that I will begin to have more time to blog in the coming weeks, but for now, it is all I can do to get all my work done, put clothes on…all else is optional at this point
 
by the way, bonnie is doing well…she is now 2 1/2 years old.  Lovely is 36 weeks pregnant with Matthias…due in a few weeks now.  I just turned 31 y/o and have started riding my mountain bike to work.  Things are just peachy.
 
Oh and I am going to seminary in the coming months. 
 
that is all the time to update for now…stay tuned!

In a nutshell…

Let Go!!!!

Life is too amazing to hang on to the ways that we used to think. Think about what, though?

EVERYTHING!!

No matter what you have been dealt in life, you need to let go. Old mind-sets, old routines or patterns, judgements against others, and the list continues.

Here is what brings this about…I have been talking to some of the guys at the Village. The other day, I got into this deep conversation about the way life used to be and the way like could be. It is kind of a continual conversation.

He mentions that today was a victory in the battle against alcoholism, but he doesn’t know what tomorrow might hold. He is an older man, mid-forties or so… He keeps talking about tomorrow..tomorrow…tomorrow. There is a song about that. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow. you’re only one day away.”

I just keep reminding him that the Bible warns us about tomorrow and encourages us to focus on today. I just remind him that tomorrow has enough worries and troubles of it’s own. focus on what God is trying to tell you today and be encouraged by that.

It seems that is how Job got through most of what he went through. Same with Moses, walking around in the desert, David hiding in caves and running from Saul, Paul in the New Testament writing letters from prisons all over (especially the isle of Patmos), Steven (Acts 7), and more…Not to let Him be last, but Jesus. He focused on today’s task and speaking the truth of what God, the Father, told Him to carry out throughout the land.

So if we are created in God’s image, then should we not also conduct ourselves in the same manner.

Focus on today. Do not worry about tomorrow.

He asked about the dangers of that…I told him that there is a bit of a fine line in this…It is wise to sit down and look at long-term. i actually suggested that he write it down. One month out, three, six, nine, one year…five years. I told him to check himself once a week or so and that he can sort of gauge how things are going and how he is growing by that.

So, focus on today, plan for tomorrow…AND!!??!?

Live out the promises. I have been guilty of the one that plans everything out, does all of the research, organizes everything that needs to be organized, and then when it comes time to do the actual thing, I am burned out…and can’t follow through with the plan. I get so wrapped up in the details, sometimes, that I lose the fire and desire that I had in the beginning.
Just a thought…

"Near…Far" says Grover.

I think that it is grand that when ever I begin to take a stand for God and the call that He has placed on my life, that the world is against me on it…and, to a point, against God on it as well.

So a few weeks ago, I had been praying through my returning to the classroom, not as a teacher but as the student. I have been met with a good bit of opposition on this…surprisingly.

One person told me that I don’t have to go to seminary to be a pastor. True. But how much further along in the process would I be if I did? I have known some pastors on both sides of the knowledged fence…some seminary and some non-seminary pastors. I think that the delivery of a message has more to do with God speaking on someone that is a willing vessel and is called than anything else. Of my own opinion, the men that I know that have gone to seminary are just a small cut above those who have not.

Another: “Jesus didn’t go to seminary! Why would you have to go?” True. Jesus DIDN’T go to seminary. But the Jewish schooling back in the day of Jesus was amazing that by the time he was fifteen or so, he had all of the “Canon,” Prophets both major and minor, Wisdom, and the rest of what we know as the old testament MEMORIZED!!! I am no where near that.

So why is it that when you make a stand for God that you get blasted with stuff?

In the last two weeks, I have been hit with two different job offers (one would be helping others by helping to find jobs and the other would be to orchestrate and lead a gathering of believers) and then some personal stuff as well. My wife and I find out that we are going to be high-risk birthers, pretty much, from now on. There is more to it than that, but I don’t want to give too much out right now. (This is a public forum, by the way.) So, why does everything hit all at one time? I don’t think God is plotting on me. I think He is just letting life happen and maybe, somewhat like Job, my faith is being proven?

I must admit that I was side-tracked a bit the past two weeks. All of these possibilities and all leading to leadership-type roles. But they all point away from what God as told me that I am to do. Completely head up and organize and lead a church? Well, 1 Timothy and Titus (plus a few others) have some qualifications that point to the fact that I may not be equipped to do that right now though that is along the lines of what I am going to be looking at doing after seminary.

Then the whole health thing…

I am just glad that God is constant. He is forever. Forever?

So what does that mean to me in the meantime? Study my eyes out of their sockets. Get as much biblical knowledge as I can and tell people about Jesus. Whatever I am studying needs to be talked about ALL DAY LONG in my conversations, prayers, and songs.

Oh, and when the time comes for the family to move to another state for schooling, I will lead them in that. We will go. This is not a move due to fear and resentment as it has been before.
This move is a move toward God and his call…not away from.

When there is so much on my plate that I need to re-enforce the siderails on my plate, I will not back down from the fight. God is my sole source of strength and life. It is ONLY by His words that I live and breathe and have the ability to call Him God. So is there a fight? Bible says, “Yes!” There are always prayers…intercessions that Jesus makes on your behalf and the Holy Spirit groans for you when you don’t have the words to pray. There are always supernatural things going on whether it freaks people out or not. Some people are more privy to it than others, but it is still there.

I am on God’s side. I want to fight for Him. So I will lay down my everything and arm myself with the Word of God and the truth that He has breathed on it. I will fight until God takes the fight out of me.